In December of 2019, Ryan sustained a surfing injury -- tearing the labrum in his hip -- requiring months or longer of recovery. Six years prior, a broken ankle from surfing had led him to film photography, which became therapeutic during that healing period. This time, he turned to guitar as his creative outlet while awaiting surgery.
In April 2020, while preparing for surgery in Los Angeles, he spent four bedridden days before flying home to Kauai. He purchased a small-body Gibson acoustic from Guitar Center and, using the Bandlab app on his phone, wrote his first song during this period.
At that time, he was processing emotional challenges -- worrying about others' perceptions, concerned about physical limitations from the injury, and learning to release temporary feelings. He recognized the potential to transform the injury into something beneficial.
The song explores themes of self-discovery through reflection. A man who sailed around the world felt empty until confronting his inner self in a mirror. The narrative emphasizes that emotional struggles are temporary and that healing comes through self-examination.
His extensive travel in business had left him "wanting. Curious, unanchored, and wanting is a dangerous place to live." The healing came from returning to self-knowledge and self-acceptance.
Life is described as a process rather than a path, where progress happens through flexible work rather than wandering. The clown imagery in the song represents someone unconcerned with others' judgments, living authentically rather than performing.
The songwriting process itself became healing. The song closely resembles the final recorded version and this experience led to dozens of subsequent songs. "The writing is whats helping mend my soul and my hip."
Released December 13, 2023.